BMWARM Testimony

I know I have mentioned here before that I frequent several message boards. My home board began as a parenting board, but at this point, we are simply a group of friends with like-aged children. We have a few members that lurked until we shook them out of the trees. They have younger or older kids but are now part of the circle. Over the years, we have formed a club. The BMWARM club. It all began when someone posted that they were a “bad mother” because they had done something they deemed bad motherly. Perhaps it was giving a tantruming 2 year old mountain dew for breakfast. Who knows. That began the BM Club. Later on, there was a rather frustrated member who posted that she had had a conversation with someone who said “women with only one child aren’t really mothers”. Needless to say, this pisses off those of us that are raising an only child. No, we don’t have to deal with sibling rivalry, fighting, or trying to figure out who broke the lamp in the living room. No, sharing is less of an issue on a day to day basis. But are we mothers? Of course we are! We still have a little creature that we managed to keep alive through infancy. We still wash, clothe, feed, discipline, entertain, and love this little person. And we will do so until they fly from the nest. The post about this started a rather lively thread about how offensive we all found this proclamation. The next posting about a bad-mother-move changed the name of our elite club to Bad Mothers Who Aren’t Really Mothers. It’s a good club. We all visit it now and again. So now that you have the background, here’s the story (and aforementioned testimony): Curt, Thea and I spent the last two days visiting various mothers-in-law down in Miami. I am *cough cough* blessed with 3 mothers-in-law. My father-in-law’s current wife (of 30 years) is a most fabulous person. I have a wonderful friendship with her and enjoy her greatly. My husband’s biological mother (MIL #2*) is very needy emotionally and taxing to spend time with. We do, however, make the pilgrimage to Miami each visit, because it brings her so much joy to see our Princess. During this trip, we also see MIL#3*, as she lives in Miami as well. So yesterday, we set out from the “beautiful house in the forest” and made the trip south. Our first stop was at the home of friends of Curt’s bio Mom. She had worked herself into a lather with concerns that Thea wouldn’t remember her or wouldn’t like her (hello! She’s THREE!). Consequently, she emitted this tension in waves that washed over all of. I am sure Thea sensed it. After a nice lunch, and time spent playing, chatting, etc, we headed over to MIL #3’s house. She was my FIL’s second wife and raised my husband from age 8(ish) through 18. Thea fell asleep in her car seat on the way. She was still asleep when we got there so we hung out outside and watched my SIL’s twins playing while Thea slept. After an hour’s nap, I woke her and brought her in. My SIL and her family left shortly after that. We ordered in some dinner and spent the night there. This morning, we got up and after a leisurely breakfast, went to the Miami Seaquarium. We had a wonderful time watching the Dolphin show and feeding the sea lions. Thea loved it. We headed back to the house around 3:00. After relaxing there for a bit, we packed up and headed north. We hit the road around 5:00. We had all been snacking a bit and had a light lunch. Of course, Thea wasn’t hungry immediately before we left, but then declared she *was* within 20 minutes of our departure. We stopped to get gas for the car, so I took the opportunity to get some food at the little convenience store. After she had fallen asleep in the car, I got to thinking. And it struck me that I had most definitely met the BMWARM standards of mothering: For dinner, I fed my daughter an apple and some nilla wafers. In a moving car. How nice. What an exemplar meal. It is only slightly eclipsed by her lunch today of french fries, ½ a chicken strip and vanilla pudding for nutritional value. I guess it’s a good thing that pediatricians advise you to go for a nutritionally balanced week or month as opposed to day. I, of course, said out loud, “I fed my daughter an apple and nilla wafers for dinner.” I said it without much emotion; really just a flat statement of sad fact. My husband replied, “Oh, don’t beat yourself up about that.” This allowed me to quote a very great movie Keeping the Faith. I said “I’m Jewish. We don’t do self-flagellation. We plant trees.” Or something like that....it's close. And you have to love the opportunity to quote a movie. *MIL’s (mothers-in-law) are numbered by the order in which they entered MY life, not my FIL’s or my husbands. I know. Completely self-centered, but the easiest way for me to keep them clearly sorted……